Get Jinxed on Pandora
by Vicent1995
Summary: Crossover of LoL and Borderlands. Jinx suddenly goes to paradise. But she must deal with a douchebag that wants to ruin things. A group of heroes will help this crazed loose cannon.
1. Get Jinxed!

**I wanted to write this for quite a while ago. As a player of LOL (not one of those goddam flamers) I found amusing that Jinx was so... loose with her screws... yeah. Many of her lines are related to guns. And which game franchise has messed up characters and a bazzillion guns? Correct! Borderlands!**

** Well... I will place the story in bordelands 2. So... I think that's eighty seven bazillion guns. Yes, that's insane. Like Jinx. I'm still debating wether I should include another of the main champions I play, but Jinx will be here for sure.**

**All the original vault-hunters of Borderlands 2 will appear with the addition of Krieg the psycho. Gaige the mechromancer may appear in the future.**

**Enjoy!**

**1.-The Poop train makes Boom.**

Pandora. A world considered by all as the jewel of the frontier.

Okay no, it's a stinking hellhole where half the population, and eighty percent of both the fauna and flora may kill you. Handsome Jack knew it and his workers knew it, specially because they were in that half that tries to kill you before you bat an eye.

Still there was something that was appealling in that pit of death and backwater hillbillies: The Vault. What it could contain? Wealth and Power? Wisdom and technology? Women and guns? The gist was that nobody knew what it contained so everybody was curious about it. Good marketing, truth be told. But, no matter what secrets held the vault, with them, Handsome Jack was 100% sure that he would rise and control Pandora once and for all, bring justice, order and all that crap that comes from saving a world and being a hero.  
Hiperion had been here working and digging for a long time. Now, it would have been easier if those damn bandits and villains didn't get in his way, polluting this world and making an annoyance. Luckily he killed all of those 'Vault Hunters', as the bandits wanted to fashion themselves, right inmediately they got to Pandora.

Right now, he was going to deal with five annoying bandits. A soldier, renagade from the Dahl Corporation's army. A 'Gunzerker', another flashy pun to refer to creep obssessed with guns three notches above what was normal in Pandora (and that's saying a lot, in light of Jack's experience). A siren, one of those bimbos with uberawesome mystical flappy crappy powers. An assassin with the codename: Zer0 (lame, really lame). And a psycho, one of the latest test subjects by the code: Krieg. He scratched his chin softly. They were in the same train, right now. They were coming to get him.

Or so they thought.

"Wilhelm, let's get out of here."

"At your orders, Mr. President."Obeyed the engineer who, at this point, was more machine than human.

**Train. Destination, who cares. Ten minutes before.**

Axton was reading the newspaper. More exactly, the offers of local stores. Gun stores, to be precise.

"Mmm... cheaper guns is all I can see."

"What a surprise."Said Salvador."Here in Pandora guns are cheaper than water."

"Yes, specially if you consider that here every hillbilly makes his own, which means that the whole population makes guns here."

"Hey!" Salvador was offended. The typical steriotype of Pandorans."Just becaus eighty percent of our population makes some kind of gun and that our weapon ownership percentage is around 99,6% the planet's population doesn't mean that everybody knows how to make guns that deserve that name!"

The mercenary grinned. He couldn't just get the idea of how many weapons and types of them were deposited in this planet. Right now he couldn't care much, he felt heavy. Especially when someone was sleeping on him. Maya the bluehaired siren. It would actually make him hot if it weren't for her snored like a constipated walrus.

They were five now: Salvador, him, the Noisy Sleeping Beauty, Zer0 and that psycho. Really, what did Maya see in that madman? Hell, his only chat with him consisted in the psycho screaming of a meat-bike riding towards 'Poopville'. Still, he felt something strange in him, something wasn't entirely right, or, in the case of a psycho, entirely wrong.

He tried to move, but she grappled her like a Muckherian worm strangles his victims. Cute if, again, she didn't sound like bulldozer with a broken silencer.

Salvador chuckled. How cute it would be, if he was in that situation. Certainly she purred like a kitten. He was unaware that he thought it loudly. Axton stared him.

"She's snorting."

"No, she's not."He denied the undeniable.

She was but that didn't matter anymore. A blue flash blinded them. Not enough, though to keep them to unholster their weapons. It wasn't an attack, it was a teenager girl, flat like a board. His hair was blue, like Maya's, but it was a shade clearer and really long, with those braids reaching her tights. like the sky. Her eyes were purple. He wore shorts and a bikini top with several ammo belts. He wore purple long socks, that nearly reached her shorts. And damn, she was so flat-chested.

Not that it mattered with those three guns he carried. A bazooka with a shark's theme. A three-barrel minigun and a pistol that seemed... odd.

"Who are you?" Barked Salvador while pointing his gun towards her.

"Jinx."She said while grinning, a lot.

"Jinx and what more?" asked Axton.

"Jinx stand for Jinx."She said menaceningly, before muttering."Derp."

Axton's face got red save for the tatoo on his forehead. Salvador chuckled. For a moment, the soldier thought he was going to shoot the girl.

Before getting to that thought bullets flew in all directions. Windows shattered and the seats were maimed. Maya waked up.

"Thursday!" She then realised she wasn't alone, and that all of them heard her."You didn't hear anything."

"Yes Ma'am." Said the three of them.

Five engineers entered the train with half a dozen bots. On the roof, there were as many engineers. They knew two bandits were there. But where?

Zer0 and Krieg were near. Right behind them. Zer0 attacked the nearest, beheading him. The second one threw a jab at him, he dissappeared. The assassin then appeared right behind his companion, stuck his katana in his guts, made a mortal jump and kicked the attacker. He stumbled backwards, until he got impaled be his sword. It was still stuck in the companion.

Krieg jumped too, right in front of the engineers. He killed the first, but the second got him. A clean hit, but he didn't flinch nor budge. He stood still, raising slowly his chainsaw. Then: "HACKED CHICKEN FOR THE MEAT BIKE!" as would say Krieg. His inner voice was more deep: "you attacked me without I doing nothing to you, son, now I won't do nothing to stop him attacking you."

They stared at each other assassin and psychopath. They nodded at each other. Deep beneath Krieg's mind, between all the poop trains and meat bikes, flourished-screw that, MORE MEATBIKES! thought the beast inside him.

Perhaps one day he would be back.

Inside the train the whole thing was a fucking mess. Dead bodys, broken machines, and furniture. But the worst of all?

"They ruined the restaurant." Growled Axton."I was supposed to eat there."

"Me too, and I don't feel like starting a diet." Maya eyed angry at Axton. Because he had been one of the culprits with his turret."You got two droids, fine. Now you will get six persons hungry."

"We can always resort to cannibalism." Commented Salvador. Both Axton, Jinx and Maya stared at him, horrified."What? It was just a joke."

"Dude, human meat is awful."Commented Jinx.

"I will make like I didn't hear it."

Now Zer0 and Krieg entered the restaurant from a hole in the ceiling. Axton's courtesy.

"Jack is here."

"The poop man is here in the poop train."Said the psycho. The man wanted to say a different thing.

All thought of paying him a visit. They dindn't know if Zer0 was lying, but, hey: when did a coldblooded assassin lie to anyone he barely knows?

He had been, more or less right. Jack was there. Was being the key word.

When they got in the room, there was just a doll of him, and a lot of dinamite.

"You think you are the heroes, eh?" Asked the recorder attached to the doll."But you're not."

Jinx then took his bazooka. Fishbones. and moved it.

"Jinx, I think we are in trouble!" Mimicked the rocket launcher.

"Shut up captain obvious!"

Then the train exploded.


	2. Kicking frozen asses

**To my dear reviewer, sorry I won't write haikus with Zer0. Mostly because those attempts I did while preparing this chapter were aberrations.**

**Chapter 2.-Kicking frozen asses.**

Cold. It was cold. Colder than a party full of people who hate each other in the room. Colder than absolute zero!

Okay, that's exaggerated. Also, why he complained about cold? He was a robot! Claptrap, the last of his kind. Courtesy Handsome 'Jackass' the Asshole. Jack the son of a... he was getting too pissed off. And it was understandable, if your product series decides to start a robolution and ends up starting a crusade to slaughter all humans, and your creator is a human... just see this things and see the result.

Nevertheless, Jack was an Asshole. He would avenge his brothers, except that robots don't have family. Never mind!

Five seemed drifters to survive this time. Perhaps he would be lucky and get out of this frozen hellhole of a dump where Jack dumped all the idiots that came to Pandora looking for the vault. If they were one of those, he could use them. He was more intelligent after all. Robots are always more intelligent. And handsome, and more...erm... EVERYTHING! End of the question.

Five seemed in fair shape. Ups, there was a psycho. Okay. With this one take a stone and smash-

Krieg grabbed the claptrap and stared it. Right now his sentient, reasonable part was groggy.

"Nipple salads, what we have here? It's a poop-bin!"

"Ahhh! Jesustron save me!"

"Krieg, stop right now!"

Upon hearing Maya's command, the intelligent part of Krieg (you know, the one that's not always thinking about nipples and meatbikes) managed to get a hold of his body. By then both Axton and Salvador rose up too. And Jinx was moving right now, flipping his legs and his torso buried in the earth like an ostrich. She was screaming, asking for help. When Axton and Zer0 plucked her out of the ground she was paler than before.

"W-where's shorty?"Asked Jinx.

And then an arm appeared from below the snow, hairy and white. It was obvious it belonged to a zombie, so everyone did the most sensible thing when a zombie attacks: scream and wet their breeches. Claptrap excelled in that department. Screaming that is, robots don't wet their breeches, never.

"Mmha-ammah."Gurgled the owner of that zombie arm.

"Vade retro satana!"Shouted Axton while doing the cross' sign to exorcise it. No effects, thought.

"Dieeeeee!" Cried Jinx while hammering it with a shovel she had found. Once, twice and thrice the steel clashed with the zombie. Then Jinx got a sudden surge of energy derived from hysteria and proceeded to swing the shovel with all her strength... for a whole minute.

Once she finished, the hand moved again, but before anyone could react again, Salvador emerged. Apparently the arm didn't belong to a zombie. A pity, specially the poor gunzerker's arm was nearly broken now.

"Welcome to this frozen shithole! Here's where Handsome Jack dumps all the idi-adventurers that come in search of the vault!"Claptrap picked a piece of junk from a corpse."Take this tool I just found to aid in your endeavour."

"Wait, do you expect us to plunder the de-"Maya's voice trailed off as she saw Jinx disrobing one of the leanest corpses, the others were doing the same."What's wrong with-OH MY GOD! IS THAT A LUIS VUITTON!?

At that, Maya couldn't resist the temptation. It helped quite a bit that she was freezing her ass to death too. Just a bit, though. Now everyone was properly clothed to survive the unforgiving cold, but none of them had weapons. The corpses had none so the living wouldn't go better.

"No problem, as long as I have fishbones and..."Jinx tried to find her beloved weapons, to no avail. She turned all the corpses, dug the surrounding snow, and when she realized she wouldn't find them, she kneeled and shouted."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GOOOOOOD I CUUUUURSE YOUUUUUUUUUU!"

The other members of the party observed her from a safe distance. Salvador, due to his deep connection with the Gunvana (the Nirvana of Guns) could understand Jinx's pain. For a gunzerker (and she was truly a gunzerker) there was nothing worse than losing your gun... well... yes, getting your gun stolen and that the thief shoots you with it. Nevertheless, it is painful.

"Are you okay, girl?"Asked Salvador once she stopped her yelling.

To all response, Jinx rose up, with a pissed off expression.  
"Let's find this Handsome Jackass."

Claptrap guided the group inside his hut, if a cave with a few things and devices was worth calling a hut. He promised them guns (you can't go to a hellhole like Pandora without weapons), so all of them agreed. Apparently Claptrap had been there months before by Jack's actions, similarly the way the ended up dumped in the snow. Fortunately, the robot found the hut, and made it a 'nice' place to take refuge from the wild Bullymongs, specially the alpha male of this zone, whom Claptrap nicknamed as Knuckle Dragger.

"But don't worry, he won't enter here, that muscles-for-brain." Assured Claptrap.

Yes, he didn't enter, he stormed the cave from the ceiling, grabbing Claptrap and stealing his eye. Nobody moved an inch, since apes' vision works on movement (wait, it was apes or snakes? thought Axton.). After that Claptrap rose up, whining in a happy humorous tone, the only one he had.

"Augh, please help me."Begged the robot."Without my eye I can't see, and if I can't see we won't escape."  
That was enough motivation as to get the six adventurers on the move. They took the weapons (nothing fancy, four pistols, a small rifle and a gunshot that Jinx wouldn't give up to anyone). Good and sturdy stuff, just what they needed, plus plenty of ammo. Armed again, the party was all pumped out.

"Hell yeah, let's rock this party!"

"The days of the Tentacle are out! Prepare the Mister Kittens for the downfall!"Yelled Krieg.

With that they moved on, entering the tunnels outside Claptrap's lair and beating the dogshit out of the bullymongs that crossed them. The most memorable were the first two. Jinx made a super jump and shot at point-blank range the first one, whereas the rest pumped with lead the other. First blood, and it had been fun. annihilating the rest proved a more tedious job, more routine. I mean, killing one could be cool, two fun, but twenty? Fortunately, Claptrap trampling and falling and getting hit constantly (with his tirade of yells ranging from "Squires protect me!" to "Robogod save me!") made the thing more enjoyable.

Soon enough, the party reached what seemed to be an ice arena.

"Hell, someone has got to spend a lot of time here." Murmured Salvador.

"You bet it, this ice seems to be harder than stone, and it doesn't seem natural to me."Commented Axton.

Claptrap stumbled again, screeching louder than ever. But he suddenly halted.

"Wait, I can see a group of six weirdos and a super-gorgeous robot!" He announced happily."Oh...wait."

Yup, it was Knuckle Dragger. The super bullymong, with muscles bigger than Salvador appeared out of nowhere. He carried the eye, and was followed by a dozen bullymongs.

"This is going to get rough." Said Maya.

"This is going to get funny."Punctualized Jinx.

"IT'S DONKEY MONG!"Shouted Krieg.

Soon enough more bullymongs appeared. Zer0 killed ten, mostly beheading them.

The others got a good share too. Mostly the simply shot the fuck out of them on sight. Not something one would write home about. Axton positioned his turrets forming a defensive ring while the machines blasted the monkeys. Jinx headshooted them. Maya used her powers to... do things with them. Salvador wasted ammo while killing all his targets, somehow.

The real deal proved to be the alpha male. Dragger was a tough bitch, and shrugged all the bullets. Jinx tried to blow his head at point-blank range, but the bullymong caught her, and she ended smashed on the wall with Maya behind them.

Things went downhill after that. The others were roflstomped. Axton proved to stand more punishment with the help of his turrets. But seriously, what was wrong with that ape's skin? He didn't get a chance to ask, as it crushed his turrets, and nearly did so with his bones. It would have done so weren't for a boomerang that appeared out of nowhere.

Dragger turned to face the fool. A small ball of orange fur and brown eyes. Barely measuring half a meter of height. With big eyes and fangs that grew out of his mouth. The pitiful creature wore a skull cap and a loincloth. The bullymong didn't pay more attention to the annoyance, limiting it to slapping it and sending it flying backwards. The soldier was a more worthy prey.

Two pace Dragger walked before getting hit by a rock, a hugeass one. Now he turned again, really angry, his blood boiling.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

In front of him stood a humoungulous beast with red and blue fur and ferocious fangs, big and golden eyes who wore a skull cap and a loincloth. The beast wielded a tiny boomerang. The beast hid it inside the loincloth and charged. Dragger did so too. He had four arms, the red one just had two! Alas he couldn't use none of them. Before he could reach the other beast, it crushed his skull with its clutches.

The bullymong stumbled, danced a bit, and fell. When the party rose up and observed the spectacle, they were surprised to find again the little fur ball. It approached Jinx, who muttered in disbelief.

"Gnar!"

**Soo... yes, this is how chapter 2 ends. I'm planning to progresively add champions from lol, either helping the resistance or Jack. Not all of them will be present, but at least my main champs will appear. That is: Vel'koz, Jinx, obviously, Xin Zhao and Annie. As for Gnar, I found it funny, and it makes a nice Deus Ex Machina.**


End file.
